"We go on hurting each other..

We go on hurting each other..

Making each other cry..

Hurting each other..

Without ever knowing why.."

-Hurting Each Other by The Carpenters

Somehow, it feels strange to be alone again after long years of being in a relationship especially when you chose to still be friends with your ex.

It’s sad to let go of the memories that you've shared. It’s heart-wrecking to remember your first date, first kiss, the first time he met your relatives, how you get along together so well that others think you’re just siblings (or cousins), the “kilig” moments, how he used to fetch you after a long tiring day at school, how he used to cheer you up, how he used to surprise you on special occasions, the silly games you play, how he holds your hand, how he stare at you as if you are the most beautiful woman on the entire universe, how you used to talk about your future, how your home should look like, how many kids you want to have, what will be the names of these kids, the “kulitan”, your pet name, how you used to stay up all night just to talk to him  and other stuff like that.

Maybe he’s right. We’re not on the same wavelengths anymore. We’re not even on the same time zone.

So I told myself, “Okay. Fine. I think this is it. It’s time to say the magic word.”

I didn’t cry. Maybe because I have this mindset that we will be together again someday but as days pass by, I started to doubt it. Well, I think this is just a phase. I will get over it soon. Now I have to focus on my thesis and film production and direction class. But what the heck, how will I be able to do that when my mind is clouded up with all these sentiments?

Damn. Sudden gushes. Sometimes I wish I could erase some of my memories so that it will not hurt this bad. But I have to deal with this maturely. Crying will not bring anything back to the way it was.

But as they say, things happen for a reason. There’s still a lot of time and we’re still young. We might bump into each other again somewhere and have a small talk and blah blah blah..

Maybe he will be able to find somebody better than me and maybe I will be able to meet someone too. Or maybe we will end up realizing that it is really “us”, we just have to have a breather. Nobody knows what the future holds anyway.

Guess for the meantime, I just have to enjoy this roller coaster ride.